


The Fast and the Furious

by grey2510



Series: Team No Chill [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s11e04 Baby, Gen, It's a gen fic - Freeform, although MacColby is a great OT3, but Colby might be my new OTP, definitely BrOTP at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-15 18:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11811792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey2510/pseuds/grey2510
Summary: She was a fast machineShe kept her motor cleanHe was the best damn cooler that they'd ever seenThey can't roll their eyesWhen Dean talks of piesCruising along under those American skies





	The Fast and the Furious

Sam reaches back, flips him open, and grabs a drink before settling back in the front seat.

"What is that?" Dean scoffs from the driver's seat.

"It's a smoothie."

Coleman can't see Dean's face, but he can imagine the disgust, and privately, he agrees.

"Where's the beer?"

"Under the smoothies."

"Where's the rest of the beer?!"

The argument gets derailed by the phone ringing and the announcement from Sam that Cas is calling. Coleman tries not to perk up too much. He loves the brothers, but on the rare occasion the angel travels with them, Cas sits in the backseat with Coleman. It's nice to have company.

_Aww, someone have a little crush?_

_Shut up, Baby. Like you're one to talk. "Oh, Dean, yes, you handle me juuuust right."_ It's hard for a cooler to imitate moaning noises, but he thinks he gets the point across.

A minute later, the car jerks and Coleman tumbles off the backseat and faceplants in the footwell. He's pretty sure Sam's other smoothie is leaking a little. Gross. He's supposed to be green on the outside, not on the inside.

"Jesus, Dean! Watch the road!"

"What, that wasn't me! Fucking pothole."

_You're a bitch._

_Love you, too, dear._

 

* * *

 

 _Hey, Mac. How's it hanging?_ Coleman grumbles as he gets put in the trunk next to Sam's laptop bag.

 _Great! Sam and I did some research and he's thinking about updating one of my drivers! Oh and the wifi at the diner was_ excellent _. I mean, really, some of these places, you can barely load Google, but this place was fantastic. Really got to show off my processing speed and—_

 _That's great._ Half of what the laptop says is mumbo-jumbo to him. He's a simple cooler.

The car begins to rock and there's certainly some...interesting noises from Coleman's former home. Nothing none of them haven't heard before, but the fact that it's Sam and a waitress is a little more novel than usual.

_Good thing Dean put new shocks on you, Baby. Really good investment._

_Eat shit, Coleman._

 

* * *

 

"Say it with me: a werepire. Huh?" Dean's grin is clear in his voice.

For once, Coleman agrees with Sam. If he had eyes, he'd be rolling them. _He's ridiculous._

_So you're not the one who said the boys aren't the "Losechesters" last week?_

_Oh, come on. That was punny._

_Real thigh slapper._

_You don't have thighs._

_Neither do you, buddy. So why don't you...cool it._

_Ha ha._

_Got any ice for that burn?_

_Jesus fucking Christ, how did I end up up stuck in this bucket of bolts for all eternity…_

_Hmm wonder if there are anymore "potholes" in the road..._

_You wouldn't—wait, how did you do finger quotes?!?! You're a fucking car!_

_Jealous?_

_No._

_Sure, sweetie._

 

* * *

 

"Welcome to Aunt Mel's, home of the—"

Dean cuts the girl off gruffly. "Yeah, uh, listen, Jessie, not a scratch, ok?

Baby's doors open and the brothers get out. There's a shock of long dark hair and a red jacket that gets in Dean's seat.

_Oh no oh no oh no._

_Baby? You ok?_

"Spider caught a fly," this Jessie girl sing-songs into her phone. "I repeat, spider caught a fly."

Jessie drives them for a couple minutes, then stops and another girl gets in Sam's seat.

_Dean is going to be pissed…_

_Wait, what? What's going on?_

_I'd say buckle up, but…_

The wheels squeal on the pavement as they tear out, and the speakers are blasting some music that's totally unfamiliar. The engine roars and the girls laugh and scream.

_Baby! Wait!_

_Sorry!_

If coolers could hurl, Coleman would.

Sonofabitch.

At least this time he doesn't end up on the floor.

 

* * *

 

"Cas, you ok?"

Coleman perks up and wonders what Cas might be up to.

_D'aww…_

_Shut UP, Baby._

"I'm mostly confused. I'm not sure how orange correlates with black in a way that's new," Cas' voice answers over the phone.

"Step away from the Netflix," Dean answers, but he sounds a little fond.

Coleman has no idea what either of them are talking about. Mac would probably know what the Netflix are, but Coleman's not exactly signing up to have a chat with the laptop because nine times outta ten he'll go off into nerdy realms that Coleman can't even begin to contemplate.

Dean and Cas talk about some creature Dean's looking for—the werepire—but Cas is fairly convinced that it's something else, maybe a Whisper. Coleman tunes out a little as Cas goes on about how to kill the monster. It's not like it's relevant information for him, not unless there's some creature out there that can only be killed by a green cooler. And if there is, the brothers haven't come across it yet. Wouldn't that be interesting? Coleman gets his day to be a hero…

Another car pulls up behind Baby and Dean gets out while Coleman's mid-daydream. Cas doesn't seem to notice and keeps going on about the Whisper. Coleman can't see clearly from the backseat, but he can suddenly hear Dean struggling outside the car.

Baby's passenger door slams closed with the thud of a body—a sound that's not unfamiliar to the cooler.

_Was that Dean?!_

_No. Deputy. Dean threw him into me._

Dean might be fine for now, but Baby's tension is thick in her words.

"Dean, what is that?" Cas' voice is equally concerned over the speaker. "Dean?"

There's more scuffling and grunts from beside the car and then gunshots. Even from Coleman's position in the backseat, he can see the splatter of blood on the passenger window.

"Dean? Dean, are you alright?! I hear gunshots. Dean! Dean? Dean!"

Baby and Coleman both breathe (kinda) sighs of relief when Dean opens up the door and slides into Sam's seat.

"Heh, it turns out I _did_ shoot the deputy."

Coleman and Baby both internally groan at the bad song reference.

_How long do you think he's been holding onto that joke?_

_So, so long._

Dean tries to convince Cas that everything's fine and Cas tries to explain that it's not the monster they want when a bloody hand grabs at the window. Dean gets out again and goes to the trunk by the sounds of things. Coleman can just barely see over the seat, and the next thing he knows, there's a guy's head on Baby's windshield.

_Oh goddammit. That's just nasty!_

Coleman can only agree and is just glad that the monster head is out there and nowhere near him.

Dean's convinced that the thing's dead...until it starts snarling at them through the window.

 _Is he gonna…?_ Coleman starts to ask, but his question is answered when Dean reaches over and flicks on the windshield wipers.

_That is not what they are for! They are for rain and snow and not nasty-ass monsters who don't die when they're supposed to and Jesus Christ, Dean…_

_Whoa! Whoa! Calm down, Baby, you're ok!_

_And don't even get me started on the blood on my door!_

_Baby! Come on, you've had worse._

_That's not the point!_

While Coleman tries to calm down Baby, Dean turns in the seat and fires a few more rounds into the monster's body, then gets out of the car again. In fact, Coleman's so wrapped up in Baby's trauma that he doesn't even notice until it's too late that Dean has come over and opened the door next to him. Dean pops open Coleman's lid and sighs before tossing the beer onto the backseat.

_Oh no…_

_What?!_ Baby exclaims, completely exasperated.

_Dean's tossing the beer._

_Oh shit._

There has to be something really, really bad going on if Dean's willingly letting the beer get warm...

Before Coleman can protest (well, not that he really _could_ , not to Dean, anyway), he's getting upended and all the ice is dumped on the ground and then he's plunked down next to the monster head and…

 _ARGHHHHHH!_ His words are kind of muffled around the monster head that's kind of choking and gagging him. You know, if coolers had to breathe and stuff. Oh _god_ is that thing vile. Coleman suddenly regrets every bad thought he's ever had about one of Sam's smoothies.

Coleman's still making revolted noises as Dean puts him back on the seat and gets into the car himself. The monster head is still snarling around inside Coleman, who wants nothing more than to dump this thing out and get blasted clean with a garden hose. Dean flips open the lid and sticks his hand in with a phone but Coleman couldn't care less about what Dean's doing. Hell, if he could, he'd snap Dean's hand with his lid just for getting him into this mess.

If there is a God, he hates coolers. It's the only explanation for Coleman's misery. He can't imagine what he might have done in another life, maybe as an old-timey icebox, to deserve this kind of punishment.

_Coleman, you ok?_

_FUCKING HELL THIS IS GROSS GIVE ME ALL THE BLEACH YOU HAVE ARGGGHHHHHH._

 

* * *

 

Whatever is going on around Coleman is 100% secondary to the ongoing issue that there is still a goddamn monster head IN HIM. He's vaguely aware that they've stopped a few times and that there's someone (not Cas) sitting next to him and that Baby has been trying to give him little pep-talks when she can in between driving tasks, but nope nope nope there's a monster head IN HIM and that's all that matters.

_I'm gonna be sick I'm gonna be sick I'm gonna be sick oh god let me die_

_Coleman! You're ok. You're metal and plastic, you'll clean out just fine._

_No, I will not be fine! Do YOU have a monster head stuck in you? No, I don't think so!_

_Jesus, for a cooler you have zero chill._

_Screw you, Baby._

_Fine. Pout about it. See if I care._

_I can't pout! I'm a fucking cooler!_

_GET OVER YOURSELF. YOU'RE FINE._

Coleman sulks in the backseat until he's opened up and an unfamiliar female face peers in before Dean closes the lid with some bumbling, awkward excuse about why there's a goddamn monster head in the cooler. Next thing Coleman knows, he's getting put in the trunk again, monster head and all. Fucking hell, will this day ever end?

_Coleman?_

_MAC NOT NOW._

Baby rocks and suddenly Coleman's on high alert again.

_Baby?_

_Dean's been attacked!_

There's the movement of more fighting and then Baby peels away from wherever they were parked, tires screeching on pavement. Coleman can tell instantly that it's not one of the brothers driving.

_Baby?! Baby, what's going on?!_

_She took us!_

There's a gunshot and a shattering of glass.

_BABY?!_

_Rear window! Sam shot at us to get her!_

Baby's words are pained. A window isn't the worst injury and Coleman knows that this isn't the first time (and probably won't be the last), but he knows it hurts all the same. The monster head snarls in him but he can't even focus on that, not when Baby is hurt and in danger.

Whoever the "she" is drives recklessly. Coleman nearly keels over onto Mac and the duffel bag a few times. They don't go too far, though, and soon the car has stopped and Coleman is being dragged out of the trunk by the woman. Another monster, he realizes. She puts him down next to the body of the first monster, then opens Coleman up and takes out the head. Coleman's knowledge of anatomy is pretty vague—he's just a cooler, afterall—but he's pretty sure heads aren't supposed to just reattach themselves like this. Fucking monsters.  

He can still taste the slimy, coppery grossness of the deputy's head. He will need to be seriously scrubbed when they get home.

Deputy monster stands up, and so does the woman.

"See? I fixed it," she says.

Deputy monster crinks his neck, then says around his teeth, "You did good. C'mon, grab that cooler. Can't leave a whole lotta evidence around."

Coleman is shoved into the trunk again.

_Baby?_

_Coleman?_

He doesn't really have a follow up question. Just knowing Baby's still there is enough.

 

* * *

 

Sometimes, when Coleman's stuck in the trunk, Baby will talk to him, let him know what's going on. This time, though, she's quiet and the silence makes Coleman grow cold(er) with worry.

Suddenly, the car jerks and Baby's...pulse? (engine?) quickens.

_SLAM._

There's a horrifying thud and crunch of metal. Coleman falls backwards, towards the front of the car.

_BABY?!_

_Baby?!_ Even Mac sounds terrified from wherever he is on the far side of the trunk in the dark.

 _Coleman…? Mac…?_ Baby's voice is weak. _I…_

Her words trail off.

 _BABY!!!!_ both laptop and cooler call out. But Baby doesn't answer.

It's quiet for a few moments and then the fighting sounds start again. The car rocks and jerks, even if they're not going anywhere. There's doors slamming, hard, repeatedly, each slam sending shockwaves through the car.

_Baby, c'mon, girl, talk to us. You're ok, right? You're gonna be ok. I'm just a cooler, not like you—you're tough, you got this. You can do this. C'mon, Baby!!_

Coleman's not even sure exactly what he's saying after awhile. Mac's got a similar litany going a few feet away from him, but Coleman tunes it out. He can only concentrate on Baby.

After what seems like a lifetime, the fighting stops. Coleman can just make out a few failed attempts to start Baby, but the starter putters out. Nothing kicks.

_C'mon, girl! Baby? Baby!_

Finally, the engine turns. Baby rattles to life, choking on busted parts.

_Hey, boys. I'm ok._

_Baby! Knew you could do it. You're awesome._

_Damn straight._

If Coleman could puff himself up in pride he would. That's his girl.

_I'm not your anything, bub._

Coleman doesn't argue. He can sense Baby's teasing, knows she doesn't really mind. And after the day they've had, he'll let her have it. Because only in the Winchesters' life is having a monster head shoved inside of you not the worst thing to happen.

At least they're still rolling. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> It's SPN Coldest Hits time! [August's prompt](http://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com/post/164182290200/spncoldesthits-the-coleman-cooler-returns)
> 
>  
> 
> So... don't leave me kudos on this until after August 22. Spread the kudos love somewhere else, if you feel so inclined: [Grey's works](http://archiveofourown.org/users/grey2510/series)  
>  **That being said, comments are totally fine and I love me some comments! :)**
> 
>  
> 
> Come visit me on Tumblr! @[grey2510](https://grey2510.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Perfackles made a [podfic](https://perfackles.tumblr.com/post/164342473017/podfic-for-the-fast-and-the-furious-by)!!


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